i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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