apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
