watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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