Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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