i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
