Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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