I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
