i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
