Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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