stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
