A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
