there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
