i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
