your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Even my vagina gasped.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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