I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
