Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
