Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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