if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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