How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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