he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
