It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
