drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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