Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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