R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
