Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
where are you?
Hypothermia
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
