So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
