The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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