I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
