i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's rum buckets o'clock
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
