true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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