**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
