I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
