Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
