So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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