I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
