You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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