New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
