So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
