so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
