I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
