I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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