I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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