So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
