You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The best revenge is premature balding
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
