i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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