i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
