Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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