I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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