I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
