i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
