If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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