vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
