I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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