shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
