Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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