i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
