I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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