Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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