please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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