at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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