I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
