The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
