he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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