You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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