Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it's like iHOP with fire
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
